Fandom: RPF
Characters: Allison Janney / Ellen DeGeneres
Summary/Teaser: Ellen has a very . . . interesting birthday.
Warnings: If you continue on to read this fanfic, I'm trusting that you know what you're getting into from the rest of the header information and will act as you feel is appropriate based on the laws in your jurisdiction.
Spoilers: Timeline: Ellen's birthday show, January 2006
Notes: I got this idea after I watched the birthday show YouTube clip (I watched a a whole lot of clips of Allison Janney on Ellen's talk show, actually) and turned it into an actual fic for Ari's birthday.
Word Count: 979

Standard Disclaimer: No harm intended; no profit made. I have no affiliation with the actual actresses, am merely playing with the characters of their public personae. I do own this story, so don't steal it. Archive it anywhere; just ask first.

Feedback is always appreciated. Make me blush with praise or rip apart the story with criticism, or both.


Cheaters Never Prosper (But They Do Get Laid)
by Elizabeth Scripturient

"That was fun, today on the show, wasn't it?" Allison says, sitting in her hotel room with Ellen after the show. "I can't believe you're still wearing the 'I'm feeling funny today' underwear."

Ellen shrugs. "Well I'm still feeling funny."

"Are you feeling anything else?" Allison asks.

Ellen looks at her blankly, confused.

"It's your birthday, and I think you deserve something special. Like the best sex you've ever had. Which would be me. I'm very competitive, you know."

Ellen cracks a smile despite herself. "But--"

"Richard and I already discussed it with Portia. I think she's a bit jealous, to be honest. But I explained that I only do this for very special friends. I think she understands. She said she knows how important this is to you. And Richard, of course, is a typical male and doesn't feel threatened so long as there isn't another penis around."

Ellen nods, her mouth dry.

"Any fantasies you've always entertained? I'm not really big in props, but we can order room service if you're into food."

"No, not that. Actually..." And Ellen gulps, because how embarrassing is this? "Being spanked by you. Spread over your lap, smacked with a ruler."

Allison leans back in her chair a little and thinks this over.

Ellen can't bring herself to look her in the face.

"Okay," Allison says. "I can do that."

"Really?"

"Do I look like I'm lying?"

"Well, no."

"Take off everything below the waist."

As Ellen does so, Allison gets up out of the armchair and pulls out the armless desk chair. Ellen feels incredibly strange standing in this hotel room with this straight woman, naked from the waist down. Awkwardly she leans over Allison's lap and settles herself, resting her head and arms on a footstool.

Allison smacks down hard. She doesn't have a ruler, just her bare hand, but it's still harder than Ellen had expected. She wonders if maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but after a few smacks Allison starts talking. "You're a bad girl, aren't you? A dirty dirty cheater."

And suddenly, yes, this is what Ellen had wanted. She can feel herself getting wet. She wants Allison to be fucking her right now. But she forces herself to stay still. "Yes, yes I am," she says.

"And you need to be punished."

"I do."

"How many do you think would be sufficient?"

Ellen isn't sure why she's asking, since she's been preceding every sentence with a smack.

"Ten, do you think?" Allison asks. And Ellen can feel her movement pause, so she knows it's her turn to speak.

"Whatever you think is best, Allison."

"I say ten. I want you to count each one, out loud. Understand?"

"Yes."

And so she does.

Allison draws out the time in between each one more and more as they go along, and by the end, Ellen's eyes are closed, her whole body tense and on alert. She learns that it hurts more when she's tense, but this doesn't entirely make her want to relax.

After "ten," Allison lets her hand rest on Ellen's bum, and Ellen begins to relax a little. As her breathing returns to normal, she feels almost like she had been holding her breath this whole time.

Allison traces designs on Ellen's skin. "I'm writing 'cheater,' you know that, right? Because cheaters never prosper."

"Of course they don't," Ellen says softly, her eyes still closed.

"Unbutton your shirt."

This is a little awkward, but Ellen manages it. She props herself up on her arms, allowing Allison easier access.

Allison strokes the fabric of the bra, and Ellen's nipples harden. She wants to tell Allison how good that feels, but she isn't sure that's allowed in this game that they're playing. So she just trusts that Allison recognizes how her body is responding. And certainly Allison is touching her as if she knows what she's doing.

"Now go lie down on the bed."

Unsteadily, Ellen gets up, walks over to the bed, and flops down on her back.

"You've been a very good girl. You deserve a reward." Allison neatly strips off all her clothes. Ellen gapes, open-mouthed. She wants to just take in the view, memorize every inch of this, but Allison is moving toward her.

Allison unbuttons Ellen's bra and begins kissing one of her breasts, teasing the nipple with her teeth. Just when Ellen thinks she may come from this alone, Allison moves to the other breast and starts it all over again.

After she finishes with the second breast, she props herself up on her side next to Ellen on the bed. She circles Ellen's clit with her finger, and Ellen is so wet. Allison slips one finger in, and Ellen cants her hips toward her. "Yes, please, more."

She wants Allison on top of her, kissing her, wants her touch all over, but Allison is just watching her. Ellen can't look her in the eyes and opts to let her eyes fall closed instead.

Allison slips in a second and a third finger easily. Her nails are scraping Ellen, and Ellen is reminded that this is a straight woman fucking her, not a lesbian, but she really doesn't care, because this is Allison, and oh she wants this. Her ass is grounded against the bed, her back is arching, her eyes closed, her muscles clenching around Allison's fingers.

"Tell me I'm the best," Allison says.

"What?" Ellen mumbles, her eyes fluttering open.

"Tell me I'm the best," Allison repeats. "The best you've ever had." And it registers that Allison's stopped moving her hand. "Tell me I'm the best, or I won't let you come."

"Oh fuck, yes, you're the best, the best I've ever had."

"That's a good girl," Allison says, and her smile is almost cat-like.

Allison's hand is moving inside Ellen slowly, and she thinks she'll break.


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